Bad Manners

The Dude is learning very quickly how to be a member of the Boner household. He's learning about getting up at 5:55 a.m., a clear five minutes before the alarm goes off, cuz he's hungry. He can chase the ball for you, but not nessessarily bring it back. The Dude's got his "I love you eyes, please, please, please, pet me" look down to a science.

While getting ready in the morning before work he will follow me around. I occasionally almost sprain an ankle to miss smashing him with my feet. Sophie and Jada on the other hand, once food time is o-v-e-r , they just lay around. If I accidentally let the door open while getting ready, they'll hop into bed. They pray to the Bed Gods that they will be allowed to lay in bed for eternity.

This morning something changed. My Dude was no longer looking at me with his little cute/sad face, he was in bed with the other dogs.

I am definitely taken a back. First off, please note that the sheets on the bed are almost/mostly pulled off the corners. Ryan and I both flail in our sleep. We both toss and turn all night long. My side of the fitted sheets is coming up before I'm asleep.

Oh, I see everyone is settled in. Awesome.

How exhausted can one dog be? Very exhausted I guess.

The Dude didn't even care when I walked out of the room. He has been totally brainwashed by the other two dogs. He is definitely a full fledged member of the Boner Taj Mahal for dogs.

Yes, I am one of those people....

Yeah, I bought dog stairs to the bed. You got a problem with that? I don't know if it means I'm more crazy than before, or if it means that I'm just to lazy to lift a small dog into a big bed. I didn't just buy any dog stairs, I bought the kind that requires a drill to put it together. You are welcome Ryan.

Step 1: Get angry, make me assist.

Step 2: Make me hold it all together, do not move.

Step 3: Reread directions because something doesn't seem right. (Insert swear words and sighs.)

Step 4: Drill the shit out of it!

Step 5: Try to teach The Dude how to walk up the stairs. This a definite work in progress. He is def not comfortable with the steps.

Poo Foot-NSFW

I have a Mon-Fri routine. It's worked for me very well over the last ten years or so. So, when things go haywire I tend to act like a crazy person. Monday morning should never be a bad morning. It sets the tone for the day, maybe even the week. But alas, something did go wrong, very wrong.

I stepped in a pile of shit.

That's right a pile of shit. How would I be stepping in a pile of shit you might ask? Well, I tell you how and who I blame in the Shitgate 2011 fiasco.

The Dude as cute as that little bastard might be, has not quite a bathroom issue, but more of he's so excited to come back in the house that he might forget to poop outside issue. We've only encountered this once before, he came potty trained. It was when we had the snow for Halloween. We didn't throw him into the snow we just let him tinkle and come back in. Later, bam! poop on floor. Not his fault. Ryan was the one who let him out that time. (There will be a pattern emerging.)

After that initial accident, we both decided that we have to be more diligent to make sure Dude goes number 2. I can tell you from personal experience, there have been no oopsies on my part.

Ryan has night duty with the dogs, feeding and letting them out the last time before bed. Sunday night Ryan did not let Dude out as long as he should have. And that is how I ended up stepping in a pile of shit right by the door in the dark of the morning.

Below is my version of the events.

There it is. The pile of shit.

I let the dogs out in the dark. Meaning I don't turn the lights on because I am mostly nude. And if for some odd reason my neighbors would be looking right out their back door, I don't want them to see my boobs hanging down to my waist. I opened the door, the dogs went out and then I tried to move back to continue my morning routine. That was when I found the horror on my left foot. I screamed loud, like a blood curdled scream. I can't even repeat this noise that came from my mouth because I would have to step in another pile of shit to recreate it.

Ryan on the other hand, instead of coming to my rescue, just asks me what's a matter from the other end of my house.

I am still making these unearthly noises, telling him to get his ass out here. This was a sticky kind of shit. And it was cold too. It was so gross. It was now stuck between my toes. OMG, so gross.

I had to attempt to hobble/hop/jump to the bathroom. I couldn't even wipe it off, I just got in the shower spraying piping hot water from the detachable shower head.

Needless to say my morning went to shit literally. What is the lesson everyone? Watch the fuckin dog take a shit outside! For the love of God! Out-fuckin-side. Thank you.

Two dogs in a little bed

I've been working on two other posts the last couple days. However, my scanner is not working with my laptop. Therefore, you do not get to read about Shitgate 2011. Hopefully, I'll be able to complete that one by the end of the week. Instead you get two dogs in a little bed.

Enjoy.

The Dude and Jada managed to squeeeeze into the little bed. Then they moved over to the large bad to snuggle down. Sophie, being the biotch that she is, kept trying to ruin my pictures until I took one of her. Can we say jealous?

Big dog in a little bed-Part II

Can anyone tell me what is wrong with this picture? Why is Sophie in Dude's bed? All three dogs use the beds interchangeably. But seriously, another big dog in a small bed.

The Dude Abides

Got a new doggie after searching for a new addition for a month or so. We are super happy to have the babe, his name is The Dude. Or Dude for short. He is a pug and about two years old. We would have preferred to have an older dog, but when there's a good fit you just gotta run with it.

We named him The Dude partly because his original name was Duke. Duke is an OK name, Dude is way cooler. Every time I think of The Dude, I think of the movie The Big Lebowski. I love The Dude. I love Jeff Bridges as the Dude. Ryan doesn't understand why I think he's so hot in that part. He just is Ryan, he just is.

OK, without further ado, here are some super cute pics of The Dude.

I bought Dude a cute little squeaky toy. It lasted exactly 18 hours. He really liked it, but Jada murdered it while I was work. I came home during lunch to find guts laying about. I'm going to have to find something a little more sturdy. The girls usually have calcium bones, it's the only thing they don't destroy in fifteen minutes.

Sophie looks depressed as usual. Her ego has really taken a hit. Everyday she seems to get a little better, but I think she knows the love is now divided into three parts instead of 50/50. Whether Sophie likes it or not, they all get big heaping piles of love. Every damn day.

I'm not sure what this face is saying, but he's just so darn cute. I've pretty much made my mind up he will never sleep in bed with us. He snores like a Mo' Fo.

Big dog in a little bed

I'm kind of pooped from my weekend of glory. We went to Alfred's Victorian in Middletown, PA last night for the most fantastic dinner of the year. This morning we headed over to Adam's County Winery for a wine tour and tasting.

All this hooplah has left me tired. I watched several episodes of Up All Night and a couple Law & Orders. I meant to blog earlier today. But then earlier became later and later just didn't happen.

Therefore, you get big dog in a little bed. We originally got these two "dog beds" real cheap from that thing called the Internet. When they arrived we realized they were for small pets, not for 50lb dogs. My deceased cat Ozzy would lay in the bed when he wasn't doing bad things.

We got the bed out because we are giving it to Ryan's parents to use for their new dog. Jada has squeezed herself into the bed. She's been in it for hours. I'd have some pictures of Sophie, but she's only cute when she's sleeping. And she's been sick most of the day. Her sad little face is not camera ready.

Jada

A dog and her ball. I couldn't help myself and took this picture while Jada was napping. Normally we don't let the dogs bring their throw toys in the house. She loves that ball so much we decided she can have it all the time. Jada will pretty much just walk around the house with it in her mouth or gnaw on it for hours.

This not my best effort blogging, but my phone and computer are plotting against me. I have pictures from yesterday's zip lining fail but both of my devices refuse to upload the pics. I have been trying for hours. So you get half assed blog today.

I sort of have a green thumb.

I’ve always wanted to have a garden. As I was growing up, we didn’t have too much going on  besides tulips. Over the years, my parents tried to grow things, but I don’t think they had the magic touch. Moreover, we had a huge maple-like tree out front that wouldn’t allow anything but crab grass to grow.

Now that we have a house, my money has and is being spent on landscaping. I can finally have the yard I’ve always dreamt about! Too bad my yard is a wreck and goddamn plants are expensive. But I still try.

We bought our house in the winter when all the superman-ish weeds had died. We didn’t really know what we were getting into. When I talk about the weeds we had, I don't mean some dandelion shit. I'm talking six foot thistle. Six Freakin Feet. Taller than myself. This shit just kept poppin up and I just kept pulling it out. If it got too big, (the stuff grows fast), I would douse it with poison. We even hired a lawn company, but then I sent them pictures of how shitty of a job they were doing, they stopped coming.

We had to take matters in to our own thumbs. When I say we I really mean mostly me. Ryan does the big hard stuff like try not to cut his limbs off with the chainsaw. I do the rest. His arm is fucked up right now, so I have to let it rest until winter. Need the man for snow shovelin.

Here are some before and after picks.

Horrible Bushes

More Horrible Bushes

Sorry this is so dark, I took it the day the wood cutters came to take down this shitty spikey ball
droppin tree. I still occasionally find them in my yard. Gum Trees, I wish them on my enemies.

No Bushes! Thanks Ryan

  

Here's the beautiful Kwanzan Cherry Tree to replace the nasty ones

FYI, I am def getting some flack from Ryan about why I didn't get all yellow mums. Sorry!

Instead of those monster bushes, I planted rhododendrons. They don't shed their leaves in the winter, which will give the house some color during the cold months. I also bought some real cheap mums to use as ground cover. No matter how hard I try, I still get a lot of clover and still some thistle. I'm hoping to choke the bitch weeds out over the next year.

Now, my backyard is a different story. See we got these pesky neighbors that really love hanging out on their deck. There's nothing wrong with that mind you, but the weak ass fence they put up still doesn't block our view from them. We have a single story house, they have a bi-level. Their bi-level beats our house. Sad face.

So, my wonderful coworker was nice enough to GIVE!!!!, give us seven Rose of Sharon bushes. Holla! Who's going to be blocked out in about two years? Oh yeah the neighbors! Ryan did help me dig the holes for the majority of the plants. Our house was built on a giant rock farm. There's like two inches of soil and then rock. Lots of rocks, little rocks, big rocks. It's all rock. I did have to go for supplies and Ryan got a shower, so he couldn't help me finish with the plants. I'm pretty sure that was by design. That's why some of them look like they are leaning to the left. I'm not a good tyer-upper. Whatev dude.

Sophie my never leaving side kick

This Rose of Sharon and another one went into shock and lost
all of its leaves. I had to nurse them back to health. I refuse to
see my neighbors!

I think the key to making plants live is being a little obsessive about it. You have to be hovering over the plants all the time. Do they need water? Do they have too much water? Do they need trimmed, how about some miracle grow? I was especially nutty with the backyard plants I was outside checking on them for the first couple of months two sometimes three times a day. You may thinks that's insane, and under normal circumstances it would be. But I like to hot tub NUDE. I walk around my house in front of the sliding glass door with limited clothes on. I have to make these plants live.