Jive Turkeys

I was late coming back from work today. It was like 5 minutes late, but I have a really good reason. Jive turkeys were in my way. There were about 8 of them just hanging out in the middle of the road. I have proof.

They were literally hanging out in the middle of the street. At first I thought to myself, what the hell is that? Then I slowly as possible tried to get my darn camera phone out to take their pictures. As you can clearly see, I'm slow as shit.

They didn't want move out of the way. I had to creep my car up and beep the horn. I did manage to get a couple shots of them  in the brush. They were in no hurry and didn't seem to mind me.

Halloween Part 1

This past Saturday Ry and I attended a great Halloween party. This is the first of many that we are attending this year. I like dressing up for Halloween, but I'm a scaredy cat through and through. Here are a couple pictures from the party. Unfortunately, I have zero of me and Ryan together. What the heck?

My friend Missy and Me. God, my boobs are on too much display!

The party definitely kicked some major ass. I don't know how it can be outdone. I'm sure though some where some way one of our friends will do it. Just don't look to us. We totally suck at throwing parties. We're good shower-uppers. And leaver-earliers. It's not that we like to leave an awesome party, it's just that we have to drive home. Yes, I know we could always stay the night, but there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed. Plus, we usually party more when we get to the domicile.

Ryan looks quite disturbed, perfect for the blog!

Darryl and Me -Shot time
It was buttery nipple shot, normally I'm not up for the sugary stuff, but it's out of syringe looking thing.

Ryan being very serious about pool.

There were a couple more photos of me and other peeps I could have put up, but I'm seriously critical of my own photos. They pretty much have to be freakin awesome or me looking absolutely ridiculous for me to put them up. Plus, I never put up photos of other people without first asking their permission. It's the non-asshole part of me. 



Peaceful Creek

I had this past Monday off. I pretty much did jack shit. I didn't even try to clean. I'm a real good cleaner when Ryan's not around making me watch cool TV shows. I did happen to stop by the creek in Upper Allen Township, PA. I love this place. I used to remember going there as a child and trying to pan for gold. I was pretty sure that I was going to find some and get rich.

In my teenage years I went to the creek to get away from whatever drama was searching for me. As I got older I started going less and less. Then I pretty much stopped. It wasn't like I was mad at the creek or anything. I just didn't have time for it. Relaxing and doing nothing is always done at home. Monday I decided what the heck, I'll stop by for old times sake. Here are some of the pictures I got from my outing.

Zip Lining Part II

Now that I have almost recovered from my hangover from last night, I can tell you about how I was the most hated person in the zip lining group (well deserved). It all started out so well. There was so much promise that this was going to be an awesome adventure. Yesterday's weather could not have been more perfect. It was beautiful outside.

It was me, Sherry my awesome M-I-L, and her friend Kim. I was horrible with my recuitement of people. (Thank God!) We got our gear on and headed up the mountain. I should have realized that when the instructor said you will be high off the ground that I should have quit. There will a lot of should haves in this blog.

The ride up the mountain was nice and easy. No panic yet. I could have rode that a couple times. This was the view at the top.

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First Zip

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The view from the platform

Me, Kim, and Sherry

Take a good hard look at that happy face. That's the last time you'll see it. This is still pre-zip. 

Little pre zipping jitters

I did it! And this is the last time I have fun. Why couldn't we just keep doing this one over and over and over and over and over again? Once you get on to the platform you have climb down this net thing. The instructor told us that if we let go, we just fall to the bottom of the net and it's tied off so you can't fall to the ground. Of course, I got stuck in the god damn net thing. And I let go and fell to the bottom. I was flopping in this net like a caught fish. I barely managed to get myself out of the thing. I had to crawl up on the platform by my belly. Not my proudest moment, but there's worse to come. There was another net to crawl down to get back down to the ground. I pretty much scooched my way down giving myself an incredible wedgie.

Next up is more non-awesomeness. We had to walk over this super wobbly wooden "bridge" if that's what you'd call it. Then right after that, you can see next rope-like death trap wire "bridge" that I barely made it across. I wasn't hyperventaliating quite yet. But I was sweating profusely and shaking. Oh and swearing. There were a lot of swear words. This is where I stopped having fun.

The next couple shots will be of Sherry and Kim doing the next couple obsticles. I'm pretty much having an anxiety attack and can no longer do anything but swear.

In this picture is the next zip platform. The instructor tells us this is the POINT OF NO RETURN. That means it's all zipping for the next 45-60 minutes. We'll be high and the platforms will be small. Once you start, supposedly there's no way down except if the have to belay you. NO WAY DOWN. You might as well have been telling me, that Rita you are going to die. Panic is increasing. I told the instructor I quit.

Everyone in the group was horrified that I wanted to stop. I'm like dudes and dudettes, I really don't care what you think. I'm a pussy. I quit. But I didn't quit. I should have quit. I could have saved the last ounce of what dignity I had. Everyone went I was still standing on solid ground. At the last moment, I was like F-it, I'm going. I took a big step of the rock and went. Holla, I made it. That's when shit hit the wall.

I decided I'm going to go balls to the walls. I'm going first. I went first and zipped right into the platform with my ass and leg. Yup. Full force. No slowing down. I could see the instructor yelling at me as I'm flying through the air. I'm coming in real hot and I know it. But I couldn't hear his words and everything the instructors told me to do I didn't do. It was like he was going in slow video motion. Thank god, for the padding on my body cushioned the blow. Just kidding, it really fucking hurt. Bad. As soon as the instructor got me up on the tiny platform I yelled. I QUIT! He's like ok.

But wait Rita, didn't you just say that you are past the POINT OF NO RETURN? Why yes, I did say that. And that is exactly how I became the most hated person in the group. The instructor has to radio to another worker to come get my dumbass. Mind you, we are 40 feet in the trees. I am hugging the tree while he preps the rope to belay my ass down. No one else can zip to the platform. I hold everyone else up for like 20 minutes while they get me down.

I hate being that person that fucks the whole group up. I should have quit before the POINT OF NO RETURN. Because then I wouldn't have tie a rope around me and take a step off the platform and get slowly dropped down 40 feet. I was extremely apologetic to the dude that had to save me and to the dude that had to drive me to the bottom.

The last thing he said to me was, well see ya around. My reply was, no you won't.

Zip Lining

This is my unhappy face

I promised/challenged myself that I would blog everyday for the rest of the month of October. I am only going to be able to do a short one because I have to take a nap before a gathering of friends this evening.

That picture is one that I took of myself right before I did my second to last zip line. That doesn't mean that I did the whole trek, it means that I sucked completely and quit in the middle. Yup, I am a quitter. I say this not proudly, but humbly. The people I was with kept telling I should keep going since I spent $62.00 on this. I frankly told them, I've done worse with more money and I don't care.

By doing what I did today, I can fully rule out several other activities that I will not waste my money on. Skydiving, hang gliding, bungee jumping, para-sailing. Pretty much anything higher than say 25 ft.

Things I will continue to do...Yachting. Drinking on solid land. Roller skating. Hot tubbing. Sitting on a bar stool while my legs do not touch the ground.

I will elaborate more tomorrow with pictures of the horribleness that I took part in. 

I sort of have a green thumb.

I’ve always wanted to have a garden. As I was growing up, we didn’t have too much going on  besides tulips. Over the years, my parents tried to grow things, but I don’t think they had the magic touch. Moreover, we had a huge maple-like tree out front that wouldn’t allow anything but crab grass to grow.

Now that we have a house, my money has and is being spent on landscaping. I can finally have the yard I’ve always dreamt about! Too bad my yard is a wreck and goddamn plants are expensive. But I still try.

We bought our house in the winter when all the superman-ish weeds had died. We didn’t really know what we were getting into. When I talk about the weeds we had, I don't mean some dandelion shit. I'm talking six foot thistle. Six Freakin Feet. Taller than myself. This shit just kept poppin up and I just kept pulling it out. If it got too big, (the stuff grows fast), I would douse it with poison. We even hired a lawn company, but then I sent them pictures of how shitty of a job they were doing, they stopped coming.

We had to take matters in to our own thumbs. When I say we I really mean mostly me. Ryan does the big hard stuff like try not to cut his limbs off with the chainsaw. I do the rest. His arm is fucked up right now, so I have to let it rest until winter. Need the man for snow shovelin.

Here are some before and after picks.

Horrible Bushes

More Horrible Bushes

Sorry this is so dark, I took it the day the wood cutters came to take down this shitty spikey ball
droppin tree. I still occasionally find them in my yard. Gum Trees, I wish them on my enemies.

No Bushes! Thanks Ryan

  

Here's the beautiful Kwanzan Cherry Tree to replace the nasty ones

FYI, I am def getting some flack from Ryan about why I didn't get all yellow mums. Sorry!

Instead of those monster bushes, I planted rhododendrons. They don't shed their leaves in the winter, which will give the house some color during the cold months. I also bought some real cheap mums to use as ground cover. No matter how hard I try, I still get a lot of clover and still some thistle. I'm hoping to choke the bitch weeds out over the next year.

Now, my backyard is a different story. See we got these pesky neighbors that really love hanging out on their deck. There's nothing wrong with that mind you, but the weak ass fence they put up still doesn't block our view from them. We have a single story house, they have a bi-level. Their bi-level beats our house. Sad face.

So, my wonderful coworker was nice enough to GIVE!!!!, give us seven Rose of Sharon bushes. Holla! Who's going to be blocked out in about two years? Oh yeah the neighbors! Ryan did help me dig the holes for the majority of the plants. Our house was built on a giant rock farm. There's like two inches of soil and then rock. Lots of rocks, little rocks, big rocks. It's all rock. I did have to go for supplies and Ryan got a shower, so he couldn't help me finish with the plants. I'm pretty sure that was by design. That's why some of them look like they are leaning to the left. I'm not a good tyer-upper. Whatev dude.

Sophie my never leaving side kick

This Rose of Sharon and another one went into shock and lost
all of its leaves. I had to nurse them back to health. I refuse to
see my neighbors!

I think the key to making plants live is being a little obsessive about it. You have to be hovering over the plants all the time. Do they need water? Do they have too much water? Do they need trimmed, how about some miracle grow? I was especially nutty with the backyard plants I was outside checking on them for the first couple of months two sometimes three times a day. You may thinks that's insane, and under normal circumstances it would be. But I like to hot tub NUDE. I walk around my house in front of the sliding glass door with limited clothes on. I have to make these plants live. 

Apple Trees and Lonely Roads

I love apple trees. I think they are a very interesting species of tree. If you ever seen them in the winter they are especially creepy. For the past three years I've been driving by this orchard on the way to my friends. This is the first time I actually got out and took some pictures.

I'm always so jealous how every god damn person who takes a pic, it looks so damn artsy and cool. Well F U guys. I can do artsy and cool, with all my different photo apps on my phone and computer.

It took me like three and half hours to pick which ones I actually wanted to put up here. I had some taken by camera and some by my phone. Photo apps on my phone are awesome, but how can I figure out the awesome ones on a 3 x 4 inch screen? There was a lot of uploading, downloading, sideloading (I don't know what sideloading is, but it needed to be in there) from computer to phone back to computer.

I'm happy with the pictures; you should love them as well. Can't wait til winter to get pictures without their leaves.