Saturday, October 3, 2009

Goodbye Mrs. Roxanne Brown

I remember when my dad decided we were getting another dog. God, we were so pissed. Why are we getting another dog? We already have Buster. I remember going with my dad to get her. I don't know why I was nominated to do this. I think it was either on my birthday or was it on Valentines Day. I've been learning dates somehow seem to fade as I look back on things.

I remember my dad picking her out and I got to carry her back home in my parent's green Infinity. She threw up all over me. Great...I thought this sucks. She was so small and little and very cute. My heart melted and any thoughts of not wanting her disappeared. Her name was Roxanne.

As time went on, she got bigger. Yes, she was a good size dog, but my parents loved to feed her and the other dog Buster lots of goodies. They lived the high life as far as animals are concerned. They had big buckets of water, ate like 4 (or more) meals a day. The door was always open so they could sunbath or go outside to check out the scenery. They even had their own doggie couch and twin size mattress for the them to sleep on.

Roxanne loved to be petted. She listened to you when you wanted her to come, but she wasn't the best at it. I remember sitting on my parents couch and she would come up to me and basically try to climb on top of me so I could love her. We called it Pinning You Down. She loved to pin people, she just was "eavy". "Eavy" is pronounced e-vy, like heavy but without the "h" sound. When you have pets, I think you sometimes make funny words up, don't ask me why. I know with my dogs I'm always asking them to get me the boney, not just the bone.

Both Roxanne and Buster were slow moving dogs I would say. They loved to sleep, especially Buster. Roxanne though loved to be outside no matter what the weather was. Snowing, no big deal, rain who cares! I think she killed a couple things outside too. She loved the cat Wally, she liked to sniff him. And Wally used to clean the goopies out of her eyes.

As time went on, she got older. In fact, she was 12 I think when she passed on. A couple of months ago she started to lose a lot of weight. And for anyone who has actually seen her knows she could have shed a few pounds! Last month my mom took her to the vet because she started to get really sick and act funny. The doctor said she was dying, it was her kidneys. We didn't know if she was going to make it past that. She was refusing food, which she never did, and was getting wobbly on her feet.

After the initial diagnosis, my parents fed her whatever she wanted. Steak, yup, chicken, you got it. How about a roast? Sounds good to her, and she ate it too. I brought her a couple cheeseburgers from Wendy's. The burgers had to be plain, she didn't like pickles or onions. She actually gained some weight back!

Yesterday, though things took a turn for the worse. Roxanne didn't want to get out of her beddy, didn't want to go to the potty outside. In fact when my mom was ready to leave she noticed Roxanne tinkled herself and couldn't even move herself out of it. Roxanne was making funny moaning noises, and seemed like she was in pain.

My mom called me at work. It's never appropriate to cry at work, unless someone is dying. And of course I started balling. I called the different vets to see if anyone could come help, but my mom wanted it done this afternoon not in the morning. No one would see her that Roxanne hadn't already been a patient. And our normal mobile vet couldn't make it until Monday. My mom finally got someone at the West Shore VCA to look at her that evening.

Right after work I went to my parent's house to see for myself if Roxanne was really that bad. As I got in the car to go, tears were already streaming down my face. I closed my eyes for a second and almost rear ended someone. Oops. I had hoped that when I got there that she really wouldn't be that bad. I was hoping Roxanne would jump up from her spot and I could tell my mom that she just had a bad morning. My dad had already said his goodbyes earlier that day. He was unable to actually do the deed, it was just too painful for him.

I get to the house and walk in. I see her lying with a blanket on top of her. She sees me and immediately lifts her head and her tail wags furiously. She does not get up though. I sit beside her and hug her. I tell her how much I love her and how she is the best dog in the world. The pain in my heart is almost too much to take, and I let the wave of emotion roll over me. She gave me a couple wet kisses. As I pet her she just stares at me.

I go from being upset/almost crying to very angry every time I think about how we treated when we got to the vet clinic. I am thankful that the vet helped us put Roxanne out of pain. I am not thankful for how for how they tried to give me mom the option of "jump starting" Roxanne's system for the tune of $2,500.00. Oh yeah, and the daily fluid injections, and the special food so that Roxanne would live longer. I understand that you have to present the options, but let's get real, Roxanne had kidney failure. The only thing that would fix her problem is a kidney transplant. Do you do that to a 12 year old dog? No. My mom asked the vet if this would "fix" Roxanne, and of course the vet said no, so you're trying to give my mom false hope and in another six months or so she would be in this same spot. For shame.

My mom makes the decision to put Roxanne to sleep. My aunt Lisa, my mom's friend Kathy, and I are all in the room. It was done very fast. Roxanne looked like she just went to sleep. I kept looking at her and thinking how odd it is to not see her breath.
I had to leave immediately in my own car. When I got home I was still balling, and even made Ryan tear up. It's always hard to see someone you care about cry. I know my dad buried her in the back yard, he did it alone.
It has taken me several days to write all this down. Every time I really start to think about it, I want to start crying. For me I can't write another blog until this one is finished. It's just how I work. I took pictures of her that day. I have plenty of her when she was healthy. I am going to make my parents an album for them to have. It will be a great reminder to them of the wonderful dog they had and the great joy Roxanne gave us for so many years.

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