Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I'm trying to sleep! F*&K!

It never ceases to amaze me when I read these articles about couples sleeping together. I don't mean doin it together, I mean the part after the man passes out on top of you and you have to push him off so you don't get drooled on. For the record, I am not saying this ever happens to me after sex.

I don't like to be touched while sleeping. I don't like to be breathed on while sleeping. I certainly do not want you facing me stealing all my oxygen!

I'm looking at these positions and shuddering in horror. Do I have to sleep like that to be a good wife? If I'm not snuggled right beside Ryan does this mean we're not in a good relationship? Whatever happened to just sleeping so I don't act like an asshole the next day to my coworkers? Why do these experts think we need to hang all over each other to be good partners while we are awake? I personally think it's to fill up magazine space so I can freak out over what I'm not doing right in my marriage.

I say fuck that. I don't need to worry about fucking up my relationship with my husband while I'm sleeping, I got that covered during the day. Just kidding, my marriage is the shiznit. But here's a hand drawn sample of what we look like when we are sleeping.

Literally, Ryan is probably smiling and I am grimacing. And my eyes turn into x's when I'm mad.


  1. I so agree!!
    I hate sleeping so close to my partner and being breathed on etc. Also I get very hot when I sleep, so it just doesn't work. I'm happy to find others out there!

  2. Just peed reading this, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Thank you for saying what every other woman thinks, get the F away from me!

  3. It sounds crazy, but I would love to sleep in a separate bed. If we were rich and had a giant room, I would love to have my own bed that I could roll around without bumping into Ryan. I love him, but goodness, a girl has got to get her beauty rest!

  4. I can totally relate to this. Derek always wants to be close and snuggly and I just want my personal space for sleeping. I don't need any touchy feely.