If you value your life, please stop talking to me.

I am a morning person. Well, maybe not exactly. I can get up, get ready for work, and show up on time. Just don’t fuckin talk to me until 9 a.m. or so. I am very angry in the morning. It could because I haven't won the lottery yet. Please don’t have a conversation with me. I’m not ready to have anything nice to say.

After 9 or so, I'm great. Coffee has been consumed and caffeine is racing through my veins. And for the record, the only person that knows how much of an asshole I am is Ryan. I somehow manage to hide it from the rest of the world.

Ryan will sometimes ask me how I sleep. All I can say is RAWR!!! RAWR!! RAWR!!

We both agree there can be no conversation of substance, because one of us will leave the house pissy because of me.

I come to work early to get shit done without having to talk to anyone or have any interruptions. I need like a half hour of uninterrupted quiet to catch up on stuff.

If you look at the clock that I so awesomely drew, you can see it's 7 a.m. That's right, sometimes I'm come into work that early. I have shit to do. And with the amount of days I take off, coming in a little early doesn't bother me.

Instead people think I come in early to chat. NO!!!! It makes me so mad, I just want to scream. But I don’t. I have a huge smile on my face as I nod to whatever you say.

Sometimes, I even put head phones on or I will turn my back to my coworkers in hopes they see that I'm busy. That doesn't thwart them from talking. I usually think to myself, maybe if I fart silently they'll leave.

Super Saturday Part II-Modern Liars & Johnny Joes

FYI, YEAH I KNOW THIS IS LIKE A WEEK LATE. WHATEVER BUDDY.

Since this past Saturday was rather busy for us, I chose to break the blog out in two parts. The first one, dealt with the Farmer's Market and touring wineries. This one will talk about how awesome our friends' band is, The Modern Liars. They played at our favorite bar Johnny Joes.

What you are seeing is correct. I wore feather earrings. I had a lot of reservations about this. I originally bought them for the 70s party that I went to the week before. I determined that they were more 80s than 70s. I tried to gage Ryan's opinion on what he thought of the earrings. I got no response. I assumed the earrings were a score. I got further confirmation about the awesomeness of the earrings by a nearby patron; she told me how much they rocked. Holla for the purple feather earrings. Plus, they went great with my ruffled shirt.

Modern Liars band members Brian Asper on guitar, Toddy P. also on guitar.

They perform an oldie from The Everly Brother, Dream. Todd also gives a nice shout out at the end.

Always water with my beverage. This is so I do not become "That Girl."

Ryan finishing my drink because I wasn't go fast enough!

Our friend Craig beside Ryan found this amusing.

Now he's trying to shove a vodka tonic to make up for him stealing my beer.

No thank you.

Our friend Joe bought us all jaegar bombs before sneaking out with his cute girlfriend.

Our good old friend Jeremy has arrived!

Toddy P., Jeremy, Ryan

Ryan doing Tebowing

Another empty drink

This is what we have left after paying the bill. LOL

Yes, I am one of those people....

Yeah, I bought dog stairs to the bed. You got a problem with that? I don't know if it means I'm more crazy than before, or if it means that I'm just to lazy to lift a small dog into a big bed. I didn't just buy any dog stairs, I bought the kind that requires a drill to put it together. You are welcome Ryan.

Step 1: Get angry, make me assist.

Step 2: Make me hold it all together, do not move.

Step 3: Reread directions because something doesn't seem right. (Insert swear words and sighs.)

Step 4: Drill the shit out of it!

Step 5: Try to teach The Dude how to walk up the stairs. This a definite work in progress. He is def not comfortable with the steps.

Poo Foot-NSFW

I have a Mon-Fri routine. It's worked for me very well over the last ten years or so. So, when things go haywire I tend to act like a crazy person. Monday morning should never be a bad morning. It sets the tone for the day, maybe even the week. But alas, something did go wrong, very wrong.

I stepped in a pile of shit.

That's right a pile of shit. How would I be stepping in a pile of shit you might ask? Well, I tell you how and who I blame in the Shitgate 2011 fiasco.

The Dude as cute as that little bastard might be, has not quite a bathroom issue, but more of he's so excited to come back in the house that he might forget to poop outside issue. We've only encountered this once before, he came potty trained. It was when we had the snow for Halloween. We didn't throw him into the snow we just let him tinkle and come back in. Later, bam! poop on floor. Not his fault. Ryan was the one who let him out that time. (There will be a pattern emerging.)

After that initial accident, we both decided that we have to be more diligent to make sure Dude goes number 2. I can tell you from personal experience, there have been no oopsies on my part.

Ryan has night duty with the dogs, feeding and letting them out the last time before bed. Sunday night Ryan did not let Dude out as long as he should have. And that is how I ended up stepping in a pile of shit right by the door in the dark of the morning.

Below is my version of the events.

There it is. The pile of shit.

I let the dogs out in the dark. Meaning I don't turn the lights on because I am mostly nude. And if for some odd reason my neighbors would be looking right out their back door, I don't want them to see my boobs hanging down to my waist. I opened the door, the dogs went out and then I tried to move back to continue my morning routine. That was when I found the horror on my left foot. I screamed loud, like a blood curdled scream. I can't even repeat this noise that came from my mouth because I would have to step in another pile of shit to recreate it.

Ryan on the other hand, instead of coming to my rescue, just asks me what's a matter from the other end of my house.

I am still making these unearthly noises, telling him to get his ass out here. This was a sticky kind of shit. And it was cold too. It was so gross. It was now stuck between my toes. OMG, so gross.

I had to attempt to hobble/hop/jump to the bathroom. I couldn't even wipe it off, I just got in the shower spraying piping hot water from the detachable shower head.

Needless to say my morning went to shit literally. What is the lesson everyone? Watch the fuckin dog take a shit outside! For the love of God! Out-fuckin-side. Thank you.

Two dogs in a little bed

I've been working on two other posts the last couple days. However, my scanner is not working with my laptop. Therefore, you do not get to read about Shitgate 2011. Hopefully, I'll be able to complete that one by the end of the week. Instead you get two dogs in a little bed.

Enjoy.

The Dude and Jada managed to squeeeeze into the little bed. Then they moved over to the large bad to snuggle down. Sophie, being the biotch that she is, kept trying to ruin my pictures until I took one of her. Can we say jealous?

Super Saturday Part 1- Farmer's Market & Wine Tour

Since my weekend was totally awesome, I am going to break it down into two parts. Friday night Ryan and I went out to Snapper's in Mechanicsburg, PA to hang out with his parents. It was great. I did take some photos, however, my camera phone was acting like a jerk and didn't save the pictures. (Boo)

Saturday morning, after a sneaky hangover, we headed over to the West Shore Farmer's Market in Lemoyne, PA. It's always a great time walking up and down the isle, eating random goodies. Our first stop of course was the ATM. We forgot to pick up cash. We headed upstairs to get some cash, Ryan was accosted by some lady trying to get us to buy her book of poems. Umm...no thank you. She actually shoved the book in Ryan's hand. Luckily, Ryan was swift with his response, "We don't read, sorry." We quickly retreated downstairs to find another ATM. We don't read? That was the best response he could muster? Yikes. We laughed about it. Hi, I'm Ryan, we don't read.

We found some cash and headed right over to our favorite place, Casero Pizza. I did a little write up about them a couple weeks ago. This is where we first learned about the awesomeness of their pizza.

Ryan got a delicious pepperoni roll and a slice. I got a pepperoni slice of Sicilian pizza. It was really tasty. I couldn't even finish my slice. Ryan helped me out of course.

Next up we hit the bread stand. Mussoline's has the softest fresh rolls. Great for sandwich making. We got four wheat seeded rolls.

You can't have a soft delicious roll with out something to eat in the middle of it. We stopped by S. Clyde Weaver's Specialty Meat and Cheese stand. This place is always busy. So busy, they have multiple people helping out to make sure you get your order fast. We ended up getting a pound of thick sliced bacon, a pound of rare London broil, and three quarter of a pound of Colby cheese.

Our final stop at the Farmer's Market was for pretzels. Yummy, yummy pretzels by Zook's. I felt kind of odd taking a picture of this one. The stand is run by Mennonites, or some time of Amish people, and I know they are funny about getting their picture taken.

We ended up getting these little mini wiener pretzel rolls. I had never had these treats before. They were ultra yummy. Who knew you could wrap a mini hot dog in a pretzel and it would rock? We got home and dipped them in spicy mustard. Nom Nom bitches.

Next up, we headed to two different wineries. The Mason Dixon Wine Trail has tickets for $15.00 per person; you get to visit 14 different wineries over a two weekend period. The majority of wineries are out by our way.

Now, originally we were going to go with a bunch of people. I'm really bad at gathering people up. We had some couples to go with, but they all couldn't make it. With my mini-hangover in the morning, I wasn't sure I was even going to bother going.  After chowing down at the Farmer's Market we felt good enough to go to try some new wines.

First winery up was Moon Dancer Vineyards and Winery. This was in Wrightsville, PA. It took us a little over a half hour to get there. In fact, when we pulled up to the place I actually thought we were walking into someone's house. It did not look like a business; just an awesome house overlooking the Susquehanna River.

Me

Ryan

So, the place looks really nice, and the view is really nice, but the worker's there were kind of shitty. This is the part of my blog that I hate writing. I love telling the masses about a great place, but always feel like a dick telling peeps when I didn't have a good experience. I don't want to totally trash a place, but if I didn't have good service, I think I should tell the truth about that as well. We start trying a couple wines and it seemed like the pourers had better things to do. Like standing around? Every time we asked for a different sample I felt like I was inconveniencing them. Sorry I showed up and you have to work. If you don't enjoy your job, that's cool, but can you just pretend that you want to take my money? Pretty pretty please with a freakin cherry on top. Thanks.

I believe we tried a couple of their wines. They were mostly dry to semi-dry wines. Ryan and I are not really big fans of the dry wines. My unsophisticated palette hasn't gotten their yet. Plus, the wines at Moon Dancer were kind of expensive. I truly believe you do NOT need to spend more than $15.00 for a good bottle of wine. Most of the prices here were over $20.00. We didn't even ask that many questions because the woman "helping" us looked like she ate a pile of shit. We did try a blueberry wine that is good to mix with whipped cream vodka. We bought two bottles, one a Riesling and the blueberry stuff.

They were giving tours of the cellars, but we were so over it, we just wanted to get out of there.

Next up was Allegro Vineyards. This winery is in Brogue, PA. It is about twenty minutes from Moon Dancer. It was a very scenic and beautiful drive. However, I realized while driving that I was low on gas. Shit! Why did I not notice this before? The rest of the drive over to Allegro was extremely stressful because I was so worried that we were going to run out of gas in the middle of no-man's land. We made it there thank goodness and Ryan found a gas station close by through the GPS thing.

When we arrived at Allegro the building was very unassuming. It just looked like a regular building, nothing fancy. But what the building lacked on the outside it made up for with it's excellent service on the inside. We walked in and there was several tables of snacks. Yes, I will help myself to your delicious goodies, thanks! After a bunch of people showed up, one of the staff took us to another room, the storage room, to give us a presentation about their winery. I didn't get the man's name, but he gave a great presentation. He told us about a couple different wines and about how PA's ever changing seasons give the wines a different taste each year. We tried two different wines during the presentation, Rose Nouveau and 2010 Chambourcin. They were both too dry for our liking, but it did pair well with the sample turkey stuffing morsel they gave us.

Next we were free to try more samples in the next room over. This room had a chocolate fountain! Holla! They had two stations where there were sweet wines and dry wines. The gentleman pouring the sweet wines was extremely knowledgeable and talked to us about the flavors of the wines we tried. We tried the Susquehanna-White a semi-dry wine. It was good. But we really liked the Vidal Blanc ($12), it tastes like a German Riesling and the Fusion ($12). We ended up buying two bottles of the Vidal. The pourer told us he has a stand over at the Giant store in Enola and if we like he can give us a dollar off of the Fusion on Sundays. Umm...yes thank you! We really liked the Fusion it's more of a spicier wine, but a dollar off is a dollar off.

After we were done with trying the sweeter wines we moved over to the dry wine table. And older gentleman helped us try the 2009 Merlot ($17) and the 2008 Cabernet Sauvignon ($19). Like I said before, we aren't really into dry wines. But what better way to learn about dry wines than to go to a wine tasting! The Merlot again was a bit too dry for our liking, but we did buy the Cabernet. It is supposed to go well with steak and pasta. We ended up chatting with the two pourers for about twenty minutes about different kinds of and why they like working at Allegro. We learned that chilling wine is not something that they recommend. Huh!?! The woman pourer told us that chilling a wine typical hides the taste of the wine and they usually do that to hide a bad wine. Did not know that. Both pourers told us they drink wine at room temperature or slightly cooler. This goes for white and red wines.

This place was freaking awesome. I totally recommend it for anyone that wants to get good information and great tasting wine that isn't going to kill your wallet. Ryan and I were both so impressed by the attitudes of the people that worked there. They love wine and it shows. I would go back to this place again in a heartbeat. They also have a stand at the West Shore Farmer's Market if you don't want to take the trip down to Brogue.

I apparently do not take criticism well.

Ryan and I were driving home from the grocery store and I was discussing with him how I have been having some issues on coming up with topics to write about. His words were, you are not applying yourself. Huh? Oh yes I am damn it. Below is a semi-word for word, blow by blow of the conversation that ensued after this devastating attack on my ego.

Me: Man, I am having trouble coming up with shit to write about.

Ryan: Well, you're probably not applying yourself.

Me: (Head spins) Huh, what do you mean I'm not applying myself? How do you even know?

Ryan: Cuz I've known you forever and you're not very good at applying yourself. Are you writing down your ideas?

Me: Yes, sometimes, no. I can't remember everything I think of!

Ryan: See, you need to be writing these things down.

Me: Whatev dude, I can't write shit down while I'm driving.

Ryan: You need to be writing these ideas down. You're not applying yourself.

Me: Fuck off. (Turns radio up, clearly I am over this convo.)

Ryan: See! You can't take criticism very well, you're turning the radio up to drown me out.

Me: I can take criticism well! And, this conversation is over.

Ryan: Did anyone ever tell you, you are passive-aggressive with your husband?

Me: No, I've never heard that before since I only have one husband.

Me: You know what?

Ryan: What?

Me: I'm going to write about this conversation we're having right now.

Ryan: Hmph.

Groovin it up

Saturday Ryan and I went to a 70s party at our friends house. It was really groovy and far out. Sorry, that's the best 70s talk I can muster. The best thing about the party is that I already own all the items that I wore that night. There was no extra spending required! It also says a lot about my wardrobe.

Not sure who's glasses these are, but they look good!

So, let's talk about Ryan's outfit...He also already owns the entire ensemble. We went shopping at the Salvation Army but he decided that his outfit was too 80s oriented. I kind of agree, but let's be honest, the clothes back then regardless of the decade were kind of crazy.

 I'm not sure what outfit of the 70s this is, but it's pretty darn funny.

Mander and Missy

 Ryan and my boobs

Tequila shots....not the good kind....but it did the job.

Rick and Steph with her new 70s outfit

I must say it was an awesome party. I did not have to drive home that night, therefore my pictures steadily got more sloppy as the night progressed. I think I tried making sexy eyes at the camera, which made me look like I was sleepy. Ugh!