I'm trying to sleep! F*&K!

It never ceases to amaze me when I read these articles about couples sleeping together. I don't mean doin it together, I mean the part after the man passes out on top of you and you have to push him off so you don't get drooled on. For the record, I am not saying this ever happens to me after sex.

I don't like to be touched while sleeping. I don't like to be breathed on while sleeping. I certainly do not want you facing me stealing all my oxygen!

I'm looking at these positions and shuddering in horror. Do I have to sleep like that to be a good wife? If I'm not snuggled right beside Ryan does this mean we're not in a good relationship? Whatever happened to just sleeping so I don't act like an asshole the next day to my coworkers? Why do these experts think we need to hang all over each other to be good partners while we are awake? I personally think it's to fill up magazine space so I can freak out over what I'm not doing right in my marriage.

I say fuck that. I don't need to worry about fucking up my relationship with my husband while I'm sleeping, I got that covered during the day. Just kidding, my marriage is the shiznit. But here's a hand drawn sample of what we look like when we are sleeping.

Literally, Ryan is probably smiling and I am grimacing. And my eyes turn into x's when I'm mad.

Halloween Part 1

This past Saturday Ry and I attended a great Halloween party. This is the first of many that we are attending this year. I like dressing up for Halloween, but I'm a scaredy cat through and through. Here are a couple pictures from the party. Unfortunately, I have zero of me and Ryan together. What the heck?

My friend Missy and Me. God, my boobs are on too much display!

The party definitely kicked some major ass. I don't know how it can be outdone. I'm sure though some where some way one of our friends will do it. Just don't look to us. We totally suck at throwing parties. We're good shower-uppers. And leaver-earliers. It's not that we like to leave an awesome party, it's just that we have to drive home. Yes, I know we could always stay the night, but there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed. Plus, we usually party more when we get to the domicile.

Ryan looks quite disturbed, perfect for the blog!

Darryl and Me -Shot time
It was buttery nipple shot, normally I'm not up for the sugary stuff, but it's out of syringe looking thing.

Ryan being very serious about pool.

There were a couple more photos of me and other peeps I could have put up, but I'm seriously critical of my own photos. They pretty much have to be freakin awesome or me looking absolutely ridiculous for me to put them up. Plus, I never put up photos of other people without first asking their permission. It's the non-asshole part of me. 



Big dog in a little bed-Part II

Can anyone tell me what is wrong with this picture? Why is Sophie in Dude's bed? All three dogs use the beds interchangeably. But seriously, another big dog in a small bed.

I had a baby!

Sike, just kidding, no babies at this house. But I did have a nightmare/dream about having a baby. And not just any baby, an Indian baby. I don't mean a Native American baby, but a baby from a person from India. What!?! This is what happens I guess when you drink red wine, then white wine, then back to red wine.

I have fucked up dreams all the time. I could probably have a blog just about my dreams alone. A lot of times I'm getting kidnapped and limbs get cut off. Sometimes I'm sold into slavery or I'm crashing my car drunk. Really weird shit, always in color. I must be a really conflicted person or something.

In this dream I'm on a labor table, if that's what you call it, and I'm pushing out a baby. First thing that pops in my head is, when did I get pregnant? Then as I'm pushing to get this thing out of me, I shit myself, which is gross. I think this does happen to people when they really give birth. This Indian doctor is helping me give birth and it is his baby. Again, I'm thinking to myself I had sex with this dude? What happened to Ryan?

I guess the baby comes out and I take it home with me leaving the father at his practice, which happens to be on Main Street in Mechanicsburg, near the G-Man, of course I live with Ryan at our old School House apartment. I ask myself why did I forget to tell my work I need off to care for this child. Why did I forget???? I get home to Ryan and I guess we decide I'm not taking care of this child. It looks like an Indian child, definitely not Ryan's kid.

Ryan and I then drive back to the doctor's house/practice to give him back this child. I don't want it. I'm pretty sure it's a boy, and it looks like the doctor. I write up this whole agreement stating that I'm not responsible for the child and I give him full custody. Even in my dreams I'm making sure I'm not paying child support.

Needless to say, I woke up terrified at 4:30 a.m. WTF

The Dude Abides

Got a new doggie after searching for a new addition for a month or so. We are super happy to have the babe, his name is The Dude. Or Dude for short. He is a pug and about two years old. We would have preferred to have an older dog, but when there's a good fit you just gotta run with it.

We named him The Dude partly because his original name was Duke. Duke is an OK name, Dude is way cooler. Every time I think of The Dude, I think of the movie The Big Lebowski. I love The Dude. I love Jeff Bridges as the Dude. Ryan doesn't understand why I think he's so hot in that part. He just is Ryan, he just is.

OK, without further ado, here are some super cute pics of The Dude.

I bought Dude a cute little squeaky toy. It lasted exactly 18 hours. He really liked it, but Jada murdered it while I was work. I came home during lunch to find guts laying about. I'm going to have to find something a little more sturdy. The girls usually have calcium bones, it's the only thing they don't destroy in fifteen minutes.

Sophie looks depressed as usual. Her ego has really taken a hit. Everyday she seems to get a little better, but I think she knows the love is now divided into three parts instead of 50/50. Whether Sophie likes it or not, they all get big heaping piles of love. Every damn day.

I'm not sure what this face is saying, but he's just so darn cute. I've pretty much made my mind up he will never sleep in bed with us. He snores like a Mo' Fo.

Peaceful Creek

I had this past Monday off. I pretty much did jack shit. I didn't even try to clean. I'm a real good cleaner when Ryan's not around making me watch cool TV shows. I did happen to stop by the creek in Upper Allen Township, PA. I love this place. I used to remember going there as a child and trying to pan for gold. I was pretty sure that I was going to find some and get rich.

In my teenage years I went to the creek to get away from whatever drama was searching for me. As I got older I started going less and less. Then I pretty much stopped. It wasn't like I was mad at the creek or anything. I just didn't have time for it. Relaxing and doing nothing is always done at home. Monday I decided what the heck, I'll stop by for old times sake. Here are some of the pictures I got from my outing.

Big dog in a little bed

I'm kind of pooped from my weekend of glory. We went to Alfred's Victorian in Middletown, PA last night for the most fantastic dinner of the year. This morning we headed over to Adam's County Winery for a wine tour and tasting.

All this hooplah has left me tired. I watched several episodes of Up All Night and a couple Law & Orders. I meant to blog earlier today. But then earlier became later and later just didn't happen.

Therefore, you get big dog in a little bed. We originally got these two "dog beds" real cheap from that thing called the Internet. When they arrived we realized they were for small pets, not for 50lb dogs. My deceased cat Ozzy would lay in the bed when he wasn't doing bad things.

We got the bed out because we are giving it to Ryan's parents to use for their new dog. Jada has squeezed herself into the bed. She's been in it for hours. I'd have some pictures of Sophie, but she's only cute when she's sleeping. And she's been sick most of the day. Her sad little face is not camera ready.