Poo Foot-NSFW

I have a Mon-Fri routine. It's worked for me very well over the last ten years or so. So, when things go haywire I tend to act like a crazy person. Monday morning should never be a bad morning. It sets the tone for the day, maybe even the week. But alas, something did go wrong, very wrong.

I stepped in a pile of shit.

That's right a pile of shit. How would I be stepping in a pile of shit you might ask? Well, I tell you how and who I blame in the Shitgate 2011 fiasco.

The Dude as cute as that little bastard might be, has not quite a bathroom issue, but more of he's so excited to come back in the house that he might forget to poop outside issue. We've only encountered this once before, he came potty trained. It was when we had the snow for Halloween. We didn't throw him into the snow we just let him tinkle and come back in. Later, bam! poop on floor. Not his fault. Ryan was the one who let him out that time. (There will be a pattern emerging.)

After that initial accident, we both decided that we have to be more diligent to make sure Dude goes number 2. I can tell you from personal experience, there have been no oopsies on my part.

Ryan has night duty with the dogs, feeding and letting them out the last time before bed. Sunday night Ryan did not let Dude out as long as he should have. And that is how I ended up stepping in a pile of shit right by the door in the dark of the morning.

Below is my version of the events.

There it is. The pile of shit.

I let the dogs out in the dark. Meaning I don't turn the lights on because I am mostly nude. And if for some odd reason my neighbors would be looking right out their back door, I don't want them to see my boobs hanging down to my waist. I opened the door, the dogs went out and then I tried to move back to continue my morning routine. That was when I found the horror on my left foot. I screamed loud, like a blood curdled scream. I can't even repeat this noise that came from my mouth because I would have to step in another pile of shit to recreate it.

Ryan on the other hand, instead of coming to my rescue, just asks me what's a matter from the other end of my house.

I am still making these unearthly noises, telling him to get his ass out here. This was a sticky kind of shit. And it was cold too. It was so gross. It was now stuck between my toes. OMG, so gross.

I had to attempt to hobble/hop/jump to the bathroom. I couldn't even wipe it off, I just got in the shower spraying piping hot water from the detachable shower head.

Needless to say my morning went to shit literally. What is the lesson everyone? Watch the fuckin dog take a shit outside! For the love of God! Out-fuckin-side. Thank you.