Winter, Wedding, and a Halloween Party

This was the beginning of the storm

Wow what a weekend. We had a large amount of snow fall in our area and were out of power for about nine hours. The house was extremely cold. As in let's all snuggle together so we don't freeze cold. Ok, maybe not that cold but the house was 58 degrees. I like it that cold when I've just worked out in the sun for about twenty minutes. Luckily, we weren't home too much yesterday. We had a wedding and an awesome Halloween party to attend.

I really feel weird about posting pictures of people without their permission. But since a lot of the peeps dressed up, I don't feel too doucheee about it. I went as a Greaser Girl and Ryan went as a Mexican. (Insert several jokes here.)

Yeah, we know we look goofy. But who cares? It was a freakin miracle we even made it to the wedding. It snowed. A lot. Who ordered up snow for Halloween? I certainly didn't. And if this was anything but a wedding our asses would have stayed home. But guess what? It was a wedding, and we drove in the middle of the snow storm to watch our friend's Amanda and Jason tie the knot. No six inches of snow would stop us.

Mad Hatter

The Bride and Elvis. Please note the Devil is the best man.

It was a great wedding. It actually had to start late due to all the snow. It went off without a hitch. I am so happy for them both. Right after the wedding, we left to race home let the dogs out and head on out to the next party.

The next party was crazy awesome. Ryan and I didn't know many people there, so I just took a lot of pictures of the decorations. Again, I feel odd asking strangers for their photo op for my blog that they won't read. The party throwers had professional DJ Ray Rossi and a bartender. The decorations were scary. They were great!

DJ Ray Rossi and The Mexican

This dude was the scariest

Jive Turkeys

I was late coming back from work today. It was like 5 minutes late, but I have a really good reason. Jive turkeys were in my way. There were about 8 of them just hanging out in the middle of the road. I have proof.

They were literally hanging out in the middle of the street. At first I thought to myself, what the hell is that? Then I slowly as possible tried to get my darn camera phone out to take their pictures. As you can clearly see, I'm slow as shit.

They didn't want move out of the way. I had to creep my car up and beep the horn. I did manage to get a couple shots of them  in the brush. They were in no hurry and didn't seem to mind me.

What goes on in my brain during the day?-NSFW

If I were an asshole, I would post things all the time on Facebook that just pop up in my head. However, I’m pretty sure that you don’t want to know what is in my head at all times. After typing this all out I realize I really like having off. That's pretty much all I've deduced.

This is what I would post on a normal day if I had free reign and I didn’t think you would block me from verbally vomming on your page.

6:00 OMG Why am I awake?

6:02 OMG Why is that dog crying? (Sophie the asshole) Is it ok to murder dogs? Check with Michael Vick later.

6:03 Feeding the dogs. Why can’t they feed themselves again?

6:08 Fuck it’s dark out, why am I up again? Maybe I should take the day off.

6:09 I must go to the bathroom or there is going to be a puddle.

6:12 Coffee, where is my fucking coffee? If I don’t get some coffee, my head is going to explode.

6:15 Hmmmm…nothing in the fridge. Fuck. Guess I’ll check Facebook.

6:20 Shower time! Holy shit this water is hot.

6:30 OMG what am I going to wear to work? I don’t think I’ve worn this shit this week. I’ll put it on.

6:40 Makeup time. Man, do I ever look tired. Maybe I should take the day off and watch Law and Order.

6:45 I don’t want to leave the house! Why am I not rich? Oh, that’s right, I don’t play the lottery and I married for love. Fuck. Note to self, next marriage will be only for money.

6:50 Getting into my car sucks, it’s still dark out and shit I need gas. Can I make it to work on E? Maybe…..

6:55 I hate touching the gas pump handle. I am positive it was dipped in shit so that I get E. Coli. I’m going to rush to the bathroom to wash my hands. I hate touching that stuff!

7:00-7:15 I hate people. Don’t they know how to fucking drive? For the love of humanity, stop driving 25 mph!

7:15 Awesome I’m at work. I can get a couple of things done before anyone is around.

7:20-7:40 Well, there went me doing extra work. Someone else is here before me and now they are talking my ear off. I don’t come early to chitchat!

7:40-9:00 Maybe I should take the afternoon off. That would be freakin awesome. I love having off. Do I have to pee? Yes, I do.

9:05 I’m listening to an irate woman try to put words in my mouth. I’m starting to get mouthy with her. Must transfer her to someone who makes more money than me.

9:15 Why is this woman still trying to argue with me? Doesn’t she know I don’t give a shit? Of course, no one is around to save me from this phone call. I think I’ll put her on hold.

9:16 Irate woman hangs up, calls back, and refuses to speak to me. Yes! She is finally transferred to someone who makes more money than me.

9:17 Finally, I get to go pee! Yeah. Peeing my pants at work would probably be embarrassing. I have not done that yet. I would put that up with crying at work.

10:00 I think I’ll eat the apple that’s been sitting here on my desk for about three days. Doesn’t taste great, but I keep eating it.

10:50 Lunch in ten minutes, awesome.
10:51 Lunch in nine minutes, awesome.
10:52 Lunch in eight minutes, awesome.
10:53 Lunch in seven minutes, awesome.
10:54 Lunch in six minutes, awesome.
10:55 Lunch in five minutes, awesome.
10:56 Lunch in four minutes, awesome.
10:57 Lunch in three minutes, awesome.
10:58 Lunch in two minutes, awesome.
10:59 Lunch in one minute, awesome.

11:00 OMG it’s freakin time for lunch! I cannot wait to go home and see the babes! Man, I hope Jada didn’t eat Dude.

11:05 People do know how to merge today! It is a fucking miracle.

11:20 Woot, I’m home! Time to see the babes!

11:25 Fuckin neighbor, let’s his dog out so Sophie can try to kill it through fence. Screaming ensues to bring all dogs back in the house before the neighbor's dog dies.

11:26 Eat whatever is available. I have an audience praying for something to drop.

11:40 Pack my shit up and head out the door. Not before putting the asshole back in her cage (Sophie). Maybe I should just call in to work and tell them I’m taking off the rest of the day. I could totally take a nap right now.

11:45 Back in the shit-mobile. I hope this car doesn't crap out on me on the highway.

11:50 OMG! People need to learn how to fuckin merge. I guess I can’t expect greatness all the time. Sigh.

11:55 Does anyone know how to fuckin sing anymore? Why does everyone sound like shit? Man, I’m getting old; time to listen to Opera.

12:00 Pull in to my parking lot. Fuck….I should call in and tell them I’m taking the rest of the day off. I could go to Salvation Army! It’s half price day!

12:05 Walking back in the office to see people waiting to talk to me. Meh….

12:15 Work work work work work work work work. Meh.

1:00 I am still diligently working! Hollah! I’m usually a really good worker in the morning. I must be crazy.

1:30 Do I have to pee again? Maybe, but I’d like to look at myself in the mirror. I’m going to head to the bathroom again. Note to self, drink more water.

1:33 (In the bathroom) I wonder if someone outside the door can hear me pee? Must wash hands to the happy birthday song. Look in the mirror make sure there isn’t anything stuck in my teeth. It’s time to fix my boobs too, gotta make sure they are even.

2:30 Hmmmmm… I could go for an afternoon snack. Let’s look for some change in my purse. Oh, there’s none of course, but there’s a yogurt that I forgot to put in the fridge this morning. I guess that’s going in the trash. Fuck.

3:30 The countdown to leaving begins. Actually, it began at 6:01 this morning.

3:31-3:45 Accidentally, start daydreaming. I imagine that I am rich and I’m telling people to fuck off. Repeatedly.

4:00 I wonder if I should leave work early. I mean it’s a half hour, I could totally go home and hang out with the dogs.

4:05 People are talking to me again about things that I don’t care about!

4:20 Leaving in ten minutes, awesome.
4:21 Leaving in nine minutes, awesome.
4:22 Leaving in eight minutes, awesome.
4:23 Leaving in seven minutes, awesome.
4:24 Leaving in six minutes, awesome.
4:25 Leaving in five minutes, awesome.
4:26 Leaving in four minutes, awesome.
4:27 Leaving in three minutes, awesome.
4:28 Leaving in two minutes, awesome.
4:29 Leaving in one minute, awesome.

4:30 OMG it’s freakin time to leave! I cannot wait to go home and see the babes and Ryan! Man, I hope Jada didn’t eat Dude.

I'm trying to sleep! F*&K!

It never ceases to amaze me when I read these articles about couples sleeping together. I don't mean doin it together, I mean the part after the man passes out on top of you and you have to push him off so you don't get drooled on. For the record, I am not saying this ever happens to me after sex.

I don't like to be touched while sleeping. I don't like to be breathed on while sleeping. I certainly do not want you facing me stealing all my oxygen!

I'm looking at these positions and shuddering in horror. Do I have to sleep like that to be a good wife? If I'm not snuggled right beside Ryan does this mean we're not in a good relationship? Whatever happened to just sleeping so I don't act like an asshole the next day to my coworkers? Why do these experts think we need to hang all over each other to be good partners while we are awake? I personally think it's to fill up magazine space so I can freak out over what I'm not doing right in my marriage.

I say fuck that. I don't need to worry about fucking up my relationship with my husband while I'm sleeping, I got that covered during the day. Just kidding, my marriage is the shiznit. But here's a hand drawn sample of what we look like when we are sleeping.

Literally, Ryan is probably smiling and I am grimacing. And my eyes turn into x's when I'm mad.

Halloween Part 1

This past Saturday Ry and I attended a great Halloween party. This is the first of many that we are attending this year. I like dressing up for Halloween, but I'm a scaredy cat through and through. Here are a couple pictures from the party. Unfortunately, I have zero of me and Ryan together. What the heck?

My friend Missy and Me. God, my boobs are on too much display!

The party definitely kicked some major ass. I don't know how it can be outdone. I'm sure though some where some way one of our friends will do it. Just don't look to us. We totally suck at throwing parties. We're good shower-uppers. And leaver-earliers. It's not that we like to leave an awesome party, it's just that we have to drive home. Yes, I know we could always stay the night, but there's nothing like sleeping in your own bed. Plus, we usually party more when we get to the domicile.

Ryan looks quite disturbed, perfect for the blog!

Darryl and Me -Shot time
It was buttery nipple shot, normally I'm not up for the sugary stuff, but it's out of syringe looking thing.

Ryan being very serious about pool.

There were a couple more photos of me and other peeps I could have put up, but I'm seriously critical of my own photos. They pretty much have to be freakin awesome or me looking absolutely ridiculous for me to put them up. Plus, I never put up photos of other people without first asking their permission. It's the non-asshole part of me. 



Big dog in a little bed-Part II

Can anyone tell me what is wrong with this picture? Why is Sophie in Dude's bed? All three dogs use the beds interchangeably. But seriously, another big dog in a small bed.

I had a baby!

Sike, just kidding, no babies at this house. But I did have a nightmare/dream about having a baby. And not just any baby, an Indian baby. I don't mean a Native American baby, but a baby from a person from India. What!?! This is what happens I guess when you drink red wine, then white wine, then back to red wine.

I have fucked up dreams all the time. I could probably have a blog just about my dreams alone. A lot of times I'm getting kidnapped and limbs get cut off. Sometimes I'm sold into slavery or I'm crashing my car drunk. Really weird shit, always in color. I must be a really conflicted person or something.

In this dream I'm on a labor table, if that's what you call it, and I'm pushing out a baby. First thing that pops in my head is, when did I get pregnant? Then as I'm pushing to get this thing out of me, I shit myself, which is gross. I think this does happen to people when they really give birth. This Indian doctor is helping me give birth and it is his baby. Again, I'm thinking to myself I had sex with this dude? What happened to Ryan?

I guess the baby comes out and I take it home with me leaving the father at his practice, which happens to be on Main Street in Mechanicsburg, near the G-Man, of course I live with Ryan at our old School House apartment. I ask myself why did I forget to tell my work I need off to care for this child. Why did I forget???? I get home to Ryan and I guess we decide I'm not taking care of this child. It looks like an Indian child, definitely not Ryan's kid.

Ryan and I then drive back to the doctor's house/practice to give him back this child. I don't want it. I'm pretty sure it's a boy, and it looks like the doctor. I write up this whole agreement stating that I'm not responsible for the child and I give him full custody. Even in my dreams I'm making sure I'm not paying child support.

Needless to say, I woke up terrified at 4:30 a.m. WTF